16/10

18, 18. The favorite number of most of the chinese does not excite me at all. The fact that i am going to shift from adolescence stage to adulthood does not cheer me up. Not after all the craps that have happened to me for the past few weeks.

My life has been quite a disaster so far. I screwed up one of the most important paper in my life, being rejected by a girl, lost my headset, ruined part of my relationship with peoples and turned to be fatter. And for now i am even forced to abandon my favorite sport and try my very best to concentrate on my studies. Like what wai hoe said, i have almost become a librarian because i have been spending so much time in the library, working up on my notes and past year questions. Sometime i even wonder, if i was so hardworking when i was form4, would i score straight A+ in my exam? However, there are never any stop/pause or revert button in your life. The only thing you can do is move on. There's no point thinking back of those shit and being regret about it (:

Back to the original topic, being 18 is nothing wonderful for me. I have used to hide in the shade of my memories, reminiscing on the wonderful life i used to have. The days where i do not need to worry on my studies, relationship with people and my future. Since the day i choose A level as the start of my tertiary studies, i feel the heavy loads on my back. Ruined my A level will actually means that i give up my chance for entering a better university, which means i am 1 step further from achieving my dreams.

Despite the big and HUGE question mark on my future, there is so much more things that a young adult like me have to consider about. For instant, the ways to overcome the overwhelming responsibility that drops on an adult-to-be like me. Failed to maintain my scholarship means that i have increased the burden for my dad. My dad have been putting so much effort on me and i am not qualified to disappoint him again. It is my responsible to make him feel that all his scarification all this time was worth the price.

People do live for themselves. Being 18 means that you couldn't simply put the blame on others, just like what you usually do when you throw down all your anger to your parents or siblings when you are small. It is the stage in your life where you have to stand up for every mistake you have made and bared with all the consequences. And for me, i dont think i am ready yet or more specifically i do not ever want to be ready. This is one point which i love for being young. It is the phase in your life where you could do most of the things you wanted, enjoying your life without any hesitation and need not to worry on all the other troubles and problems.

In a nutshell, being an adult means so much more responsibility and role. For now, i just hope that tomorrow never comes. But deep inside my heart, i still knows that i couldn't stop the time and all i can do is just stop the playing stage in my life and start preparing for something bigger., crucial and more important.

AS

Okay. I screwed up my maths on the 13/10 and the bad mood continued for 3 days. I skipped 2 days of college, sleeping and wondering at home. the only thing i have done is playing nba2k11 which occupied 70% of my time. The rest of the 30%? Sleep, eat and shit.

It is hard to forgive yourself especially when the small little mistake you made cause so much for you. Indices, X cube * X cube = X^9. brilliant. I just cant stop blaming myself for that. However, i know i have no more time to lose. Gonna spend the rest of the time preparing for the other subjects. This time, hopefully everything will go smoothly (: