Bob0

婆婆回忆录

2011-11-14T12:34:00.007+08:00

婆婆，对我来说一直是一个很陌生的存在。

在过去的十九年内，我相信我和她沟通的时间甚至没有超过十九个小时。的确，对一个只会以海南话沟通的老人家和一个对海南语一知半解的我来说，沟通确实是一件十分困难的事情。年龄上那巨大差距也决定了两人之间并不可能产生多少的共同话题。然而，这并不是我对她感到陌生的主要原因。或许是那遥远的50公里才是我俩之间永远也跨不去的障碍。

我爸是家中的老三。在他那个年代来说，身为次子的他在成年之后分家是在正常不过的事。自然而然的，照顾父母的责任也落不到他的头上。应此，自我出生以来“婆婆”二字一直都只是个名词。我的童年当中也从未拥有过婆婆的身影。坦白说，婆婆对我来说或许只是个陌生人而已。从其量就是一个比较熟悉的陌生人。

婆婆和大伯一家都住在巴生，离我家大约50公里的距离。那长达45分钟的车程注定了我们一家并不能长抽空回去探望她。再加上爸爸工作上的忙碌以及要顾虑到我们三兄弟姐妹的课业，每个月下巴生的次数一个巴掌都数的完。而每一次回去的时间都大约只有1～2小时。那些短暂的时间注定了我和婆婆之间并不可能产生太深厚的婆孙情。

我和婆婆存在着语言上的障碍。应此，每一次见面我们之间的对话往往不超过五句而我的对白似乎永远只有那两句："popo" 和 “dai la(知道了)"。渐渐的，与婆婆的见面似乎演变成了一种形式、一个过场。往往在对她打了声招呼后，我便会跑出她的房间自己找乐子来消磨时间至到爸爸决定回去为止。

而随着年龄的增长，我和婆婆之间的距离非但没有缩小反而慢慢的扩大了。我开始排斥前往巴生，去探望那似乎永远都躺在床上的婆婆。我对自己的时间开始有了自己的看法，我慢慢的觉得花费那几个小时的时间去和婆婆说不到5句话是种毫无意义的事情。而且，婆婆她那充满着期盼和望孙成龙的眼神让我感到异常的压抑。甚至我还应此和爸爸吵了几架。

我的爷爷在我出世之前便去世了，只留下比他年轻许多的婆婆来支撑着整个家庭。环境和生活上的压迫和影响使婆婆变得坚强和有些固执。这性格直到她去世为止都没有太大的改变。爷爷去世后几年，婆婆似乎终于看破红尘，在我爸爸几个兄弟姐妹的支持下在槟城的一间佛庙出家为尼。然而在她晚年期间因身体不适的缘故被我大伯接回了巴生的精舍以方便我们照顾。

婆婆是位素食者，但偏偏又十分嘴挑。我还记得有段期间，婆婆病的连自己起身也成了一种奢望但纵使是如此，她还是拒绝我们为她准备的食物。往往在咬了一口后便吐了出来，脸上的表情仿佛是生吃了黄莲一般，又苦又丑。她的固执由此可见。有时我甚至会想，如果婆婆并不是如此固执，在每日三餐都有固定进食的情况下是否会更健康并活得更久一些呢？

然而，世上终究是没有如果的。在2011年11月1日的凌晨6时25分，婆婆走了。

前往巴生的路途上，我和爸爸两人都不约而同的保持沉默。虽说我和婆婆的关系不亲，但我却十分的明白婆婆的死对爸爸来说是多么大的打击。当时的心情七上八下的，但现在回想起来似乎是担心爸爸的情绪占多数吧！子欲养而亲不在，那似乎便是世上最让人遗憾的事了。

丧礼，对于我来说的确是十分陌生的事情。从开始的念经祭祖到后来的评选棺木和出殡当日的种种仪式的确让我大开眼界，对佛教的葬礼有了更深一步的了解。虽说其中种种琐碎的过程有时的确会让人困扰，但这应该就是身为后辈的我们能为去世的亲人所送上的最后一份心意与尊重吧。

出殡当日，似乎连空气都充满一种惆怅的味道。先是一睹婆婆最后一面，之后便是封棺和叩拜仪式。而在更随灵车走了一段路后我们便前往火葬的地点-千佛寺。在一般仪式后，婆婆的棺木便被推进了火葬室。在那熊熊大火燃烧起的瞬间，掉落的却是亲朋好友们一滴滴的眼泪。就连一向摆出男人大丈夫，流血不流泪款的爸爸也滴下了几滴男儿泪。我虽然没有哭，但只要一想到人一生的终点便是如此是也不免的感叹万千。

人的一生无论多风光，死后终究都会归于尘土。在火葬后第二天把婆婆的骨灰撒进大海的那一瞬间的确让我有了许多的启发。人生得意需尽欢,莫使金樽空对月，难得来世一趟，不痛痛快快的活一场那便辜负了我们这宝贵的一生。而更重要的是我发现有许多事其实并不用那么执着而有更多的事却需要我们加倍的珍惜和保护。就犹如亲情、爱情和友情。

最后，我只想说，婆婆，您安息吧！

16/10

2010-10-16T02:46:00.003+08:00

18, 18. The favorite number of most of the chinese does not excite me at all. The fact that i am going to shift from adolescence stage to adulthood does not cheer me up. Not after all the craps that have happened to me for the past few weeks.

My life has been quite a disaster so far. I screwed up one of the most important paper in my life, being rejected by a girl, lost my headset, ruined part of my relationship with peoples and turned to be fatter. And for now i am even forced to abandon my favorite sport and try my very best to concentrate on my studies. Like what wai hoe said, i have almost become a librarian because i have been spending so much time in the library, working up on my notes and past year questions. Sometime i even wonder, if i was so hardworking when i was form4, would i score straight A+ in my exam? However, there are never any stop/pause or revert button in your life. The only thing you can do is move on. There's no point thinking back of those shit and being regret about it (:

Back to the original topic, being 18 is nothing wonderful for me. I have used to hide in the shade of my memories, reminiscing on the wonderful life i used to have. The days where i do not need to worry on my studies, relationship with people and my future. Since the day i choose A level as the start of my tertiary studies, i feel the heavy loads on my back. Ruined my A level will actually means that i give up my chance for entering a better university, which means i am 1 step further from achieving my dreams.

Despite the big and HUGE question mark on my future, there is so much more things that a young adult like me have to consider about. For instant, the ways to overcome the overwhelming responsibility that drops on an adult-to-be like me. Failed to maintain my scholarship means that i have increased the burden for my dad. My dad have been putting so much effort on me and i am not qualified to disappoint him again. It is my responsible to make him feel that all his scarification all this time was worth the price.

People do live for themselves. Being 18 means that you couldn't simply put the blame on others, just like what you usually do when you throw down all your anger to your parents or siblings when you are small. It is the stage in your life where you have to stand up for every mistake you have made and bared with all the consequences. And for me, i dont think i am ready yet or more specifically i do not ever want to be ready. This is one point which i love for being young. It is the phase in your life where you could do most of the things you wanted, enjoying your life without any hesitation and need not to worry on all the other troubles and problems.

In a nutshell, being an adult means so much more responsibility and role. For now, i just hope that tomorrow never comes. But deep inside my heart, i still knows that i couldn't stop the time and all i can do is just stop the playing stage in my life and start preparing for something bigger., crucial and more important.

AS

2010-10-16T02:37:00.002+08:00

Okay. I screwed up my maths on the 13/10 and the bad mood continued for 3 days. I skipped 2 days of college, sleeping and wondering at home. the only thing i have done is playing nba2k11 which occupied 70% of my time. The rest of the 30%? Sleep, eat and shit.

It is hard to forgive yourself especially when the small little mistake you made cause so much for you. Indices, X cube * X cube = X^9. brilliant. I just cant stop blaming myself for that. However, i know i have no more time to lose. Gonna spend the rest of the time preparing for the other subjects. This time, hopefully everything will go smoothly (:

Tragic

2010-08-29T00:27:00.008+08:00

Rachel. Or Siow Kuan. Or Hamster. Or Daniel's ex. No matter what i call her, she was one of the people that has a big influence in my life.

Rachel, was practically the first female friend i got to know since i entered tar college. She is cute, smart and adorable. Of course, girls like her are always taken. So do her. She was Wai Hoe's girlfriend. Sweet and lovely. In fact, they were the couple that was in the same group with me during orientation program. So i think i do have some fate with them, dont I?

Oh yeah, if you think that daniel and rachel sound so familiar with you, you are not wrong. It is just the most common name of the couple that appeared in movies and books. He used that name because of her i think. Sweet isnt it?

The released of SPM results are normally a relief for most of the 2009 candidates. I was lucky for scoring 12As1C. Thanks to English Literature that ruined my whole result slip thou. The release of the SPM result, however, are not quite a happy thing for the couple as Rachel has to make a decision that might influenced her future - whether to stay in tarc to complete A Level or proceed to Taylor for business course on a partial scholarship basis.

I have never involved in a relationship before thus i have totally no idea how she had struggled to make a decision between her future and her boyfriend. I just dont know that love can actually play such an important role in someone's life.

The day before Rachel left us and start a new life in a brand new college and environment, she broke down in front of all of us. That part of memories have been embedded so deep into my head that i still can recall most of the details even until today. It was physics practical, we were asked to conduct an experiment on pendulum and apparently it was Rachel's last lesson in tarc. She was moody for the whole day and after the experiment when daniel had left the class, she cried in front of us, half begging me to take care of her boyfriend. She was so afraid that his boyfriend will no longer concentrate on his studies after she left and was so worry that it would affect his future and his dream of becoming an engineer.

I could not remember the exact number of sms that she had sent me just to ask her boyfriend condition. But what i do remember is the shock that i gained through her love and her care towards her boyfriend. To be honest i was a little bit envy of daniel for being so lucky to have such a caring girlfriend. Both of them let me understand how sweet a love can be and make me someone who was so desperate for love that time. But something that i dont know by that time is they would soon make me feel the other way too.

Things changed. So easy, so fast.

It was suppose to be a happy day where one group of people will have fun, going to mid valley enjoy a movie together and celebrate the end of our exams. It was so hard to find a time where most of the people were free to hangout together, especially on the weekday. However, things normally do not go as smoothly as what you hope.

I dont know is whether the maths paper(which i do badly) or the long dull SWC meeting that have made me so frustrated that day. I become so emotional and blame daniel for some stupid reason. That dispute between us soon ruined my day. It was so hard for me to accept the truth that i was now out of the gang that i used to be, being alone again and forced to join in to another group which i am not that familiar with. What make thing worst is the sms i received later on that day - "does wai hoe behave strangely or stalking a particular girl recently?"

Women are definitely one of the most sensitive creature on earth. They are always the first one to notice a small change in surrounding environment, outer appearance or .... heart. Having dispute with daniel do not means that i never care about his stuff anymore. In fact i felt guilty that time and was finding a chance to apologize to him. I was stunned reading that message and was determined to find out what had happened. I would never want to see them breaking up cause if that really happened, it would not just broke the relationship between them but at the same time will spoil the impression of love to me. You know how much do i envy them before. They just simply represent how sweet and how lovely a couple can be to me.

There is no secret that can be kept forever. It was so soon that i realized what was going on. Thanks to the trip of genting highland.

Being a scout for 5 years do make me quite an adventurous and independent person. It was the last day of college before the holiday begins and the D class has planned an overnight trip to Genting Highland. They have plan to go right after the last lecture of the day. I remember that i oversleep that day and was absent to college. Thanks to the encouragement from nan tyan and invitation from both hoho and jonathan, i decided to went up genting highland alone and met them there. That was yet the other decision that i would never regret in my life.

Depart to Genting by 4.30 from KL Sentral and reach there around 6pm was definitely not a good idea. What make it worst is when you have to go up all ALONE. But no matter what, i was inside the bus after thinking for hours at home. I was reluctant to go up at first because i was somehow scare and not ready to face daniel yet, whom i have just quarrel with not many days ago.

Things start to be clear after a little bit of pool and dinner up there in Genting. Before daniel left, he passed a doll to Linda as gift. It was then i sensed something wrong with him. That doll has caused another dispute between linda and yii huey where the latter proclaim that linda should not have accepted the gift from daniel as he was occupied and not single. Later in that night, after a bit of alcoholic drink, finally i get to know the truth which was so painful to hear - a change in heart in my friend, the friend who once i think hold the most stable relationship with his girlfriend. The friend whom i think was so sweet and lovely with his love before and all of that looks like they will last forever. (Well at least for a longer period?)

I found it hard for me to accept the truth. I found it even harder to accept it when i get to know that Gary has just broke up with his girlfriend too and Vincent was currently in a deep relationship problem with his girlfriend and most probably was going to break up as well. All this events that happened in such a short period of time made me lost my confidence toward love. My impression of love was turned totally upside down. Love is so gray for me at the moment.

I called Rachel. She cried and there was nothing much i can do about it. But something that i know for sure is the crack between me and daniel has just turned bigger and deeper. The friendship that bond us so strong once before seems so fragile now.

My friendship with daniel however does not end at here. Thanks to the orientation program that made us work as a team again. We looked as good and as friendly as before but something that my friend would not know is since the day he broke up with rachel, i never call him daniel anymore. I call him wai hoe.

And the other thing that i have hide is the doll that ended up in the hotel's rubbish bin.

My Friends, My Life

2010-08-27T22:46:00.016+08:00

I know that it is strange that i will start to write something again in my long abandoned blog. But it is just that there are something that i feel like splitting out. Most probably nobody will visit my blog but i hope that i could remember what i feel now forever.

8 months and 15 (or 14?) days passed since i entered tarc. Too many things have happened that i can barely remember most of them. But there are still something that i would never forget forever - my friends and my college life in tarc.

I still can remember the day before i enter tarc. Childish, naive and got totally no idea of my life. My first impression of tarc was actually not too good thou. Thanks to all those rumors that i have heard and those historical (old) buildings in tar college.

College life in tarc has officially announced a totally new phrase in my life. Apart from the long, dull and boring life before, i knew that i was going to have a totally different life since the first day of the orientation. I am going to be reborn to another person. Someone with different life and personalities.

I am not someone with good memories. I tend to forget things frequently and in fact i cant even remember most of my primary classmates. However, certain things and people do caught my attention since the first day of orientation.

I am alone for the first day. None of my friends back in secondary school have decided to enter tarc. Most of them went to Taylor for A level. Yeah, i am quite nervous and afraid for the first day. However i do know 1 of my tuition friend is going to tarc. He is no other than Pius - my first friend in tarc.

Pius, the only person that i know for the first day. But too bad he was with his chong hwa gang. I am too shy and afraid to join in to their group that day. But it was lucky that i saw someone that i am familiar with. 1 of the 3 MBS guy that entered tarc with me - tee ken.

To be honest, the only thing that i knew about ken at that time was only his name. (sound sarcastic?) To my surprise, he invited me to sit with him, which make me feel a lot comfortable at that time. Try imagine that you have found something to hold on after floating on the sea for few days because that was exactly what i felt that time. He was kind and friendly, unlike his face that gave me the impression that he is LANCI. Not as serious and fierce like what he used to be back in MBS. Thanks for not making me too lonely for the first few days ken. You are seriously a great friend.

Let me tell you a secret. I has been a coward for the past 17 of my life. I got totally no confidence in myself. To be honest, i seriously think that i am sucks. I was never a good friend, good student nor a good child. Inferior is what i felt all of the time before. That is the reason why i never even dare to talk to a girl i like for the past 3 years. I felt like a nobody in front of her. That's why i always mimic those who i felt is outstanding. Just to make myself someone qualified for her. And on the first day itself, i met with someone whom i think is extremely sharp - Jonathan.

Yes, you might not believe it but the first person i notice in tarc is not a pretty girl but a guy. (i'm not gay thou) He is just like a spotlight. Always outstanding among others. His handsome face is one factor but the other things that attract me about him is that he was alone too. Pretty much like me. I have think of making him the first friend of me in tarc but too bad i just dont have the guts to do that. Inferior in front of him i think? Haha.

Try imagine a guy who came from a school which surrounded by boys. What make it worst is this dumb yet ordinary boy has no female friend for all of his secondary school life. Not even talk to girls for few times during his teenage period actually. So, what would he do after he enter an environment where there is tons of girls which is same age with him? Turn to a werewolf that is eager for girls? No actually. He just turn to be someone that is self-abased.

SM. That girl that has been haunting my life for almost 3 years. I never know that i will fall for her for such a long period. I cant remember how many times that i and my friends have advised me to let her go from my life. But sometime it is just not that easy for you to forget someone. Not after she have penetrated that deep into your heart. Ok, what's so big and so hard to let go a girl that has less than 10 lines of conversation with you for the past 3 years? Well, even thou it is just 10 lines through mouth but there is more than 3 billions sentences that i have spoken to her through my heart. That's is why it is so hard to forget a girl for me.

The end of spm does not make me happy at all. Because it just simply means that there will be no more chances for me to secretly admire her from the side. And it also means that i am going to miss my favorite 4 hours each week. It just means that i am gonna to lost something i have been keeping for the past 3 years - my love. 1 month of rest do make me feel better and soon the nervousness that i am going to start college make her shadow slowly fade away from my heart.

But how the FUCK would you feel when you saw somebody that looks similar to her and have the same temperament with her appear in your life again? For me. The appearance of her do make my heart beat like a mad bull again after losing sm in my life. Well do i mention the girl name yet? No? Well she is siew li. But am i going to tackle and talk to her this time? No i am not going to do that. Why? Well dont forget, i am coward. Oh yeah. i still remember the first time i met her. Orientation second day sitting on the highest row of the lecture hall wearing a shirt. Eventually she sit on the next table of mine when i went canteen for food. Well, not to mention that the food really spoil my mood thou. I have never ate mix rice that sucks before in my life. Only good thing about that rice is it only cost me RM1.90, which is surprisingly cheap.

Orientation programs. It was so damn lame and bored. Only good thing for me is that i able to get some new friends. (Lost contact with most of them now. which is something that make me regret) Well. I got to admit that i notice this couple since i have been assign to my group. Well. I have never involve in any relationship before and you could not blame me for keep stalking both of them throughout the orientation programs. I was curious and somehow envy by looking them to be so lovely. Oh by the way, they 2 walk as Fast as a snail. =.= Sometime in your life, you just have to believe in fate. I have totally no idea that this couple will be part of my classmate by that time. And yes. 2 of them do played an very important role in my life later on.

My elder sister was entirely a different person with me. She is cheerful, outgoing, confidence, charming and have lots of leadership in herself. Of course, girls like her are often surrounded by tons of guys and have uncountable friends all around. I was actually a "sister boy" as my sister play a very important role in my growth. She is the one who changed me from a nerdy boy to someone who understand fashion. Not only that, she is the one who taught me to be confidence and lead me to be on the right path of being a true and worthy friend to all. You probably would not believe that i never even buy 1 cloth on my own before during the secondary school period. And not to mention that the coconut hairstyle that has accompanied me since i was small to form 4. My sis was the one who start to transform me and i sincerely appreciate and grateful that i have a sister like her. But what most important is that she taught me something very important. That is to be able to get some true friends, first you have to be brave. You must have to courage to make new friends by starting a conversation and most importantly you must be sincere.

My secondary school life was never a perfect one. Despite of the fact that i was in a god damn BOY school, i was lonely. Due to my ego-ness and my stupidity in handling a relationship with people, i have friends who you could count finish with 1 hand. No man is an island. Nobody could live without interacting with others. Me too. It was a painful experience for me. Even my best friend whom i have know since i was 4 years old was reluctant to talk to me at that time. I am alone for some period, which is some terrible experience that i would never wish to have again in my life. Yes, i admit that i am scare of loneliness, i am scare of being abandoned. Men never realized their own mistake until they feel the pain of it. I have decided to change. I am enough of those days where computer and novels were my only friend. I want to make myself more popular. I want to have more friends. I want some friendship from people. I just dont want to be alone again.

I have transformed. I changed my attitude. I make stupid jokes. I do stupid stuff. And most importantly i act stupid most of the time. I start to have friends. I feel the sweetness that i gained from friendship. i feel that i have been accepted by people. I am happy. I start to appreciate each of every friend i got. I would never ever want to lose them again. Since that day onwards, friends have been the first priority of my heart. Way above my family and other stuff. I appreciate all of my friends and i love them.

Friends have become something that was so holy in my life. I treated every friendship heavily because they are one of the main support in my life.

So now you could understand why i was so eager to make more friend when i enter tarc. Hoho and Zack was one of the first batch of friend that i make in tarc. Thanks to Pius who introduced them to me. I never realized that there is someone whom attitude and taste was so similar to me before like Hoho. We share the same taste, we stalk the same girl, we like the same stuff and it was somehow weird when you looking at someone who is so similar to you. Too bad Zack left tarc after few months. Kinda miss him sometime too.

Biology. I dont like this subject at all. I am not going to take medical field jobs as my career anyway. Doctor, pharmacist or bio tech was bullshit to me. I just have no positive feelings towards this part of the world. Anyhow, i dont think i am noble so i am not qualified to be a doctor thou. The only reason that i took biology is simply because it is an easier subject to score A compare to further maths. Just simply as that and i was glad i make the right decision. Not because i love the subject but is i love my course mates. I got those friends i dream for for a long time especially people from my class - SJ11E.

SJ11E. The class for students with the worst forecast results. I was somehow depressed for entering this class at the begining because all of my new friends were in the other classes. Pius, hoho, zack and most of the chong hwa's people was in D class, together with some pretty girls while ken was in C class. Again i am lonely. The first time i met my classmate was in maths tutorial. Not pretty good impression thou. Only half of the class was chinese (I'M NOT RACIST) and most importantly i have fail to spot any pretty girls in my class.

Moment later, i was surprised by the couple who was with the same group with me during the orientation. Too bad they never recognized me at all. Then i met this 2 fellows who were late for the class - fang shiang and jenn. I was shock by looking at them. both are so tall and mature compare to me. I felt so small in front of them. it is odd that i suddenly got the courage to approach them and introduce myself to them. That must be one of the smartest decision that i have made in my life. Because this action just simply bring me one of my best friend now to me.

Then is the fat K(Gary). He is huge and was pointed as the assistant class rep later on in the class. I barely recognized him the second day as he wore contact lenses that day. Wooo, i love his Mohawk.

It is just so easy to be familiar and mix around with each other when there is chemistry around you. I make friends with fs and jenn quickly. We talk a lot of bullshit in class and they could say is my first friend in SJ11E. However, i was a bit greedy. I hope for more friends so eventually i combine our class people to one big gang. Held by one big strong bond call friendship. Thanks to Gary's birthday which made us so united compared to other classes where most of the people still stuck in their safety zone and stick with their old friends.

It is hard to find friends who could held a nice conversation and build a strong friendship with you. It is even harder for you to find A BUNCH OF FRIEND who not only make good friend with you but at the same time share the same hobby. I would say this is fate maybe? We were so surprised after knowing all of us sharing the same hobby - basketball. Sports is the easiest way for men to build their friendship and through basketball our friendship strengthen again.

I am typical Chinese which means that i do love Chinese food more than other foods. Pan Mee, of course is one of my favorite. Thanks to the recommendation from Mira and all my hostel friend like Jennifer, Ace, FS etc, we found this Pan Mee shop located at TBR. It was very much different from the usual pan mee we ate at those hawker stall. The exquisite food and environment made us fall in love with that place since the first day. Since that day onwards, we have become the frequent customer of that shop, especially on every Wednesday where we have 2 hours break in between. Credits to Gary and Daniel who own a car which gave us a lot of flexibility.

People always love to be surprised. And if you are finding for someone who will surprise you, Vincent Chew is the one you are looking for. Vincent, was the most unexpected one among our gang. He was so quiet and moody at the beginning of the day but he turned out to be the one who brought us most joy. He was hilarious, funny and humor which make him a really very good friend. I love hearing him sings too. It was nice and if you got chance hearing him sing (especially those old songs), you will fall in love with his vocal.

Playing basketball, talking almost every craps that you could ever imagine and eating pan mee. That's how i passed my first few months of my college life. It was the kind of life that i have always wanted for when i was in secondary school. Having a bunch of friends that you could talk to, doing everything that you want to do and most importantly live the way of life you want. That's my dream. I was so happy and satisfied with my life at that moment. My life was just simply brilliant at that time.

But just like any other things that exist in this world. Nothing will stay immortal forever. Even the sweetest and the most beautiful things will fade one day. Just like the perfect life i got that time.

Things changed. Easily.

2009-07-07T18:36:00.002+08:00

班上最近蛮多事的，最近都很忙，脾气也超不爽的。
班上考试年中才拿第13，退步很多，又是时候加油了。

无聊假期

2009-06-09T02:59:00.002+08:00

一个多月没碰这个部落格了。老实说我对这似乎没什么兴趣了啊...

放假也没什么活动在家挺无聊的，只是在前天出席了一个 BB 晚宴，总体来说还是十分不错的，再加上是免费的当晚还是非常享受的。同天，康乐也举办了“任意门”华乐演奏，我妹妹也有出席演奏，可惜却与晚宴碰期让我失去了前去聆听的机会。我对华乐还是非常欣赏的。

有时候我在想如果我回去十岁那年我会干嘛？应该是努力减肥+练球+泡妞+赚钱？

与家人MidValley逛街吃寿司、雪糕

与老姐的照片

高等数学新Formulae：

假期吃的好、睡得好 = 体重直线上升

病

2009-05-02T00:10:00.003+08:00

‘身’病

不知为何最近大病了一场，缺课四天一直到现在还是大咳不止。先是发烧，后来伤风到现在的咳嗽令我好几天没能睡个安稳觉了。

刚巧我生病期间爆发了猪流感，靠！差一点被他人误会成大马第一猪流感病患。=.=''

其实别看我胖，我可是万分脆弱的，自小便体弱多病，尤其是肺部更是糟糕之极... 还记得有过连咳3个月的恐怖经验。不过老实说能不用去那令人讨厌的学校3天实在是大快人心啊！

————————————————————————————————--————————————————

‘心’病

前个星期五学校举办 CBD （combine board day）和在之前康乐中学组办的家庭日遇见了几个小学朋友。遇到他们才然我突然发现时间匆匆的就过去了五年，往日的快乐日子也已不再，实在是让我感叹良多。看以前校友在康乐那无忧无虑的校园生活，老实说我十分羡慕。哎，如果当初我没被MBS录取那该有多好呀。只不过这世界万分残酷，没有回头药也没有如果。

MBS的日子并没有大家想象的那么快活，我感觉在这间学校学到最多的就是虚伪和做作。真真的自我老早被藏进内心深处了。感谢那些往日的校友（大姐，鸿山，立恒....etc) 让我在多年后能反省自己，踏上追寻自我的道路。

一定要变回往日那自由自在、无忧无虑、毫无烦恼的少年！

恼

2009-04-06T22:57:00.003+08:00

打球打到中暑、路上踩到死老鼠、发胶不见、友情崩裂、读书不顺心、生病、发胖、压力及越来越糟的校园生活让我不经怀疑是否犯太岁或已被人诅咒。

随着日子一天一天的过，我也渐渐变得孤僻起来。好想要逃避一切，远离这个地方，到一个没有人认识我的地方过着平静自由的生活。我知道自己以快变成神经质，并在渴望逃避所有的一切。

不知是否是我的错觉，我和人之间的距离越来越远，往日的愉快的沟通如今已不再浮现。每过一日心中那无形的枷锁便仿佛又厚又重了一分。

心情实在是糟透了，一股子气也没地方发泄，只好睡觉去也。

黑色星期

2009-03-25T20:32:00.001+08:00

她知道了，纸果然是包不住火，虽然顶过了三年。

地点：Zaiton 班

时间：8.25pm

日期： 21、3、09

都要怪那多嘴的朋友及那不修口德的王八老师。被揭穿就被揭穿吧，我也挺光棍的 =.=''

心情很复杂，很难也不想解释。

P.S.下课后在楼梯间巧遇，第一次她竟然对我微笑！（虽然感觉有点像在看小丑似的....），结果我“害羞”的跑了............... 唉........

———————————————————————————————————————————————————

又过了两天，

地点： Patrick 班

时间：7.50pm

日期： 23、3、09

朋友说我进班时她在望着我，心里偷偷地在开心只不过过了一会就被毁了。

自小就接受华文教育的我，英文本来就不好，结果被老师批评了一顿，真是失败。

尤其是在她面前出丑，霎那间觉得世界变得好灰暗，心情超不爽的。

我要进补英文！！！

SPM & 亚细安

2009-03-17T17:33:00.002+08:00

SPM放榜，有人欢喜有人愁。我学长成绩都不错，据我朋友说 SAB 全科A的高达40+人。

感叹过后带来的只有无穷无尽的压力。

唉，时不待人，如今3月，脑袋还是一片空，刚从学校的讲座回来，发现太多东西都还没搞懂更要命的是那半吊子的Akaun。苦啊苦啊.............. 人生就是那般的无奈，太多事物由不得我们来决定，换个角度，我们也只是被困在地球的一群可怜生物罢了，更本逃不了生老病死这四个沉重的枷锁。

罢了罢了.....

*P.S: 亚细安奖学金的网址：http://www.moe.gov.sg/education/scholarships/asean , 有兴趣的可以试试看，反正有没设么损失。

人生题

2009-03-17T17:12:00.002+08:00

如果有一天有人向你提出给你机会，把你冷冻起来并在700年后开封，你愿意吗？

今天无意更朋友谈起这个话题，后来才惊讶地发现我是愿意的。人生苦短，匆匆几十年间我们能看到得到或领悟到什么？

光阴似箭，十七年的岁月如水，可是自降生到这世界以来，我感觉到很空虚，仿佛什么都没有做到。很久以前我便想过这个话题，“人是否为了某些目的而诞生的？”我并不认为成为百万富翁亦或是成为首相便是达到了人生的目标。

不知他人想法可是对我来说，有时我会特别的想去了解世间所有人们甚至动物们的思想与感受，逼切的想融入他人的世界以了解我对这世界的认知。毕竟我们只是那无尽冰山的一角罢了

钱、权、势既然不是人的使命那么我们又是为何而活？人类难道真的得一辈子过这种毫无目标，苦等死亡的日子吗？

我很想得到答案，不过或许我一辈子也无法完成，若我有无数的岁月和时间，我毕会踏上追逐真理，寻找破解世界万迷的答案。

新年总结

2009-02-04T22:12:00.002+08:00

新年----又痛苦有快乐，

快乐的原因大家都懂。痛苦吗则是我重了2公斤！！ =.=' （目前66kg）

新年度的蛮快乐的，期间也出去看了两部电影，分别是《赤壁-决战天下》和《大喜事》。两部电影都超赞的，可惜的是电影中的诸葛亮和赵子龙破坏了我原本对他们的印象..........赵子龙竟然找了一个不英俊的矮子来演，真是可恶！

×考试压力越来越大了，谁来救救我？？！×

新年

2009-01-27T12:05:00.001+08:00

新年在大众的期盼之下来临了，当然在新年之前自然少不了大扫除，我累的不得了，又是抹地，洗风扇，刷厕所...................

除夕当天没什么可说的，赌博输了大约RM200，好在第二天打麻将赢回来了，要不我可要心痛死了。

我的堂哥除夕夜喝太多，吐露了自自己的烦恼，自己的家庭是虔诚的佛教徒，尤其是父母还是当地有名的佛学讲师可是即将和他一起步上婚礼殿堂的女友却是基督教徒，在双方的压力下痛苦万分，不知该举行哪一个宗教的婚礼。

哎，宗教、亲情和爱情哪一个更重要？我不懂。

2009-01-23T01:08:00.002+08:00

新年要到了，只从去年尾到现在我才有空继续我的部落格。

哎，一上了F5就突然觉得好有压力，连玩一下游戏到感到十分有罪恶感。很烦啊！

今年一开头就跟我的物理老师吵架，我真他妈的不爽他，真希望天上掉下一颗石头把它砸死～～唉，我的日子要怎样熬？？闲闲闲。。。。。

Mass Effect

2008-12-13T01:00:00.001+08:00

最近在玩的一个游戏，蛮不错的，大家可以试试玩。游戏内容很精彩，和以往那些射击游戏不同，值得一试。

Zzzz

2008-12-13T00:55:00.002+08:00

我很久没有懂我的博客了，一整个假期除了去3个营之外还真的没设么好说的。我最近很烦，老实说，我已经在担心明年的考试了，我之前成绩很好的学长们都对他们在这一次SPM的成绩不乐观，间接的导致我对明年的考试有了莫大的压力。哎，SPM对人生的影响很大，我看我也该开始温习功课了...... 过段时间我把去那三个营的照片和经历也发上来，给自己留一个纪念。

Installation day for IT Brigade

2008-11-11T23:58:00.005+08:00

LOLZ!

Installation for IT Brigade was held last Monday. All of us are require to wear blazer with long sleeves -- damn hot. Actually i was not agree with my chairman to held the installation this year because it was too late and the form3 members had already on holiday. It was quite bad to call someone on holiday to came school just for a installation right?

I had only joined IT Brigade April this year. Starting of the year i am totally a noob in computer and actually do not know anything much about computer. My friend, chia way had become my teacher and taught me alot of things. Now, i believed that i am outstanding among the students in my school and was more confidence in solving any pc error no matter in hardware or software. (I would love to help you if you face problem with your pc. :D)

The installation ceremony was simple, members was given a badge from our school principal Mr. Wong while the EXCO was given a special nametag. Assistant Treasurer, the post i hold in the IT Brigade board, a small post but still one of the EXCO member. Actually, deeply in my heart i knew that it was not the post that i always wanted. I was expecting a better post maybe?

My shirt was just brought on Sunday night, it was rush. I only got the news about installation on thursday and was actually quite hard to find time to ask my parents to buy me a shirt as they had to work too. My shirt came with plits which was actually illegal, i had to carefully ran away or hide from the prefect in my school so that they wouldn't had chance to catch me. (=.=') My sister laugh at me when she saw me wearing a blazer, she said i was too short. T.T

AMAZING

2008-11-11T23:17:00.002+08:00

Unbeliveable!

I was really suprised and stunned when i received my Year End Exam Report from my class teacher, Puan Manjula. 5th! Top5 in the class and most probably top 10 in Form4. It was really amazing that my joke to my friends come true on the next day. I just told some of my friends that it was impossible for me to score top10 in the class and at the next second i got the news that i got number 5 in my class.

Wow, that's amazing! Since i was small, i was not those kind of students who had the patient and interest to sit down and study for hours. I was quite active and i had totally no interest in reading textbook or study for my curriculum (do you think that will really help us on future?). Normally, i will only start prepare 1 week before exams. Even for the PMR, i only started read my books one months ahead. However, maybe this kind of study method suit me and help me to score a good results compare to those who spent more time and effort than me. XD

I got 8As in my PMR. Straight A, sounds like i was a nerd who spent most of my time on study or revising my homework but the truth is, i didn't. I'm quite a lazy guy. This shown when the results of my year end exam shows that i scored a better result for those subject which does not require us to memorise such as Physics, Mandarin, Literature in English, Matematics but a worst result in Sejarah and Biology. =.=''

By the way, my dad was really sastisfied and happy with my result this time, he scolded me kaukau on first and second terms exam result. Haiz, actually i could understand my dad's thought. He can say to be unsuccessful in his career, you know, in my father generation, without a university certificate is actually putting a limit or stop to one's career achievement. My dad, which do not own a good salary or a good job had put all his hope on me, hoping me to be a more successful person than him. That is the reason why he is always so strict about my studies.

Actually, i also understand the important of getting a good result in SPM, this will ensure me to get a free ticket outstation to any country i like to continue my studies and university life. As i say, i was not came from a rich and wealthy family and the gorvement scholarship, JPA had become my only hope for me if i wanted to continue my university outstation. My sister had become a role model for me as she was able to get the JPA's scholarship and was currently studying in University of Nottingham, taking a diploma course on Electronic Engineering.

Lastly, cheers and congrats to myself for getting 5th position in my class!! Hope that i could had a better achievement next year!

English

2008-11-11T23:12:00.004+08:00

LOLZ, one of my friend complained to me that he cant understand what i wrote in my blog cause it was in mandarin and adviced me to write my blog in english so that more people can read.

OK, even though my english was sucks (sorry sir Patrick), but i will try my best to write in english more often. Hope no people will complain my grammar......

http://www.shutterstock.com/pic-18029245-an-heraldic-shield-or-badge-blank-so-you-can-add-your-own-images.html

2008-11-10T13:53:00.005+08:00

生日的照片，现在才发！！

2008-11-06T15:03:00.058+08:00

我珍贵的回忆之一 :

×大家一起拍的照片×

×不敢见人？？！！×

×这是一个激情的年代！！×

× chia way 和 you sheng 在买蛋糕×

×付账？？×

我的第一块蛋糕！

×吃喽！！×

#1 蛋糕

 ×我是服务员？！×

×Lala Lee Kian Pooi×

×左边的是陈升阳，右边的是曾永杰×

×那么害羞么？？×

×中间的是 Tan Chung Seong×

×线条衣的是 Dave Ho，右边的是 Tan Chia Way×

×哎，又来一个害羞的...............Tam You Sheng ×

×第二块蛋糕，拍的我像傻佬....... =.='' ×

×拔蜡烛一定要用口吗，我怎么不知道？=.= ×

×喝！看我的“一口吃天下”！×

×在幼稚的生日歌伴奏之下，服务员为我带上第三块蛋糕！！×

×许愿+吹蜡烛+咬蜡烛!！×

×hoho，我的 no.3 蛋糕！（写的好啊 hehe！）×

×YO，lan ci？×

×切！！蛋糕.........×

×大合照！×

×pavillion 大门，曲终人散×

别惹我

2008-10-31T22:12:00.004+08:00

我这一个人很难找到知心朋友，只因为我.................

傲！我很傲，骄傲狂傲自大霸道！！
叛逆，狂妄，自我中心，大男人主义是我的代名词！
我一向来吃软不吃硬，别人对我好一份，我十倍报答; 别人对我一分恶，我必万倍偿还！

所以我最讨厌有人以命令或威胁的口气来教训我，不管是老师，校长，学长或是父母。
但最令我不能忍受的是跟我年龄差不多的人用威胁的口气跟我说话哪怕是一封短短的简讯，因为我不服，就算是我错我也不会承认！
只有我命令人，没人能以命令加威胁的口气和我说话！哪怕现在我做不到这一点，但，我敢跟任何人担保，终有一天我会站在这个世界的巅峰，让世界为我吸气而抖，呼气而振！

今天，我收到了一封让我万分不爽的短讯，名字我不提但这也不是第一次！如果再有下次，就连朋友也没得做！ --我讨厌被人威胁！！！
我不需要依靠任何人而活，我也不需要低声下气，别惹我，后果很严重。君子报仇，十年不晚！哪怕现在不行但将来我必把你打败，报今日之仇！

我的暗恋

2008-10-29T01:30:00.001+08:00

此文章是在生日第二天写的，考虑了很久，今天才发上来。

那晚，我梦见了她。

补习班上非常吵杂，我一反往常的没有和一群男性朋友们坐在一起，而是坐在课室的中央，假装漫无目的的四处张望，当然其实我是在注视着她。

我内心感到十分矛盾。在我内心深处，我又想她知道我的存在，又不想让她发现我---我实在是配不上他。

当时，她一如往常的那么漂亮，绑着一个漂亮的马尾，配上一件白色上衣和短裤，让我突然间拥有一种注视天使的感觉。她就如天使一样，代表着美丽与完美的同时也使凡夫俗子感到惭愧--她太高，我触摸不到。

虽然我对别人口口声声的说我已经放弃了她但要强迫自己放下一段维持了一年多的暗恋又岂是那么简单的？曾经，我以为我可以放下她但当朋友们要我在吹蛋糕之前许愿时我才发现原来我心里还是放不下。想知道我许下的其中一个愿望吗？我尽然许了一个希望她能把我当朋友的愿望。朋友，只是朋友就足够了。我是多么的希望她对我说话，能在听我说笑话时与他人一般发笑而不是一如往常的安静。

在哪一个梦中，她破天荒的向我走来，不但笑着和我打招呼还问我一个让我有一点心虚的问题：“what you are looking at, girls?"。我在梦中还是那么胆小，回答说没有只是随便看看。之后便有一点不记得了，只知道在姐姐的鼓励下我激动的握着她的双手，深情的望着他并对她说“I love you"。结局不太记得了，可是她好像没有接受我，之后便被妈妈吵醒了。

写到这里，我发现每当我想起她或看见她的时候，心里不是如恋人般的甜蜜快乐反而很痛、很苦。我真的很痛苦！心中仿佛被千斤重的巨石压着一般，差一点喘不过气来。可笑啊这世界尽然有人认为暗恋是美好的其实现实是残酷的，暗恋十分痛苦。谁能了解自己配不上她的无奈？谁能理解在那么近的距离下却不能和对方说一句话甚至连偷看一眼也怕被对方发现并从而讨厌自己的可悲？这些我都有，真的很深很痛苦。

从小我便是一个小霸王，霸道无比。一直到小学还好，我这种粗线条，直来直往的性格还是被人喜爱的，但到了中学变成了幼稚、自私的行为。我朋友开始变得稀少一支到F2去了MindaCeria补习时，我才有了新的开始。但F1那被人讨厌的经历使我对人们产生了一种惧畏感，特别是女生，我害怕她们讨厌我，这也导致我对女生的交际能力差到了极点。

她是F3才转进来的。一开始我没注意到她，其实我一直都不怎么注意女生因为我胖、我穷、我怕看她们和与她们沟通会使她们对我产生反感，一直到与她同组的那一天（老师然我们组成四人团进行活动）我才开始注意到她。并没有一见钟情的情节，只觉得她很有气质，很美。不怕人笑话，其实我开始时被她写字的速度给吸引的。她写字很快，而且还整齐、很漂亮。或许是被武侠小说所影响，我一向来都十分大男人，认为身为男子决不能输给一个“小女子”（现在没了）所以暗暗和她比写字速度。我输了。

爱情是一种奇妙的感觉，要来是谁也挡不住，但令人可悲的是丘比特的箭只中了一人而把另一只箭射偏了。对我来说，爱情之箭并没让我获得童话般的结局反而让我受了重伤，或许是那箭射伤了我的心脏。直从那一天起，我的心便开始滴血如今更是重上加重。

我变了，很多很多。很少人知道之前和后来我开玩笑是有不同的原因。以前我开玩笑是为了自己开心同时我也十分享受别人在听我笑话后大笑的感觉。但自从我发现我爱上她时，我发觉我变成了一个小丑，每当她在场时我都会绞尽脑汁的想一些笑话，希望能借此让她记得我，那怕只是一个又矮又胖又穷的笨小子。可是我应该是失败了，她没笑，哪怕别人在捧腹大笑时，她还是一如往常的那么安静。第一次看到她笑，是另一个男生所说的，她当时好像十分在意那个男生（我的直觉？），当时，我心仿佛被一把刀割伤了，好痛好痛。

她也是第一个让我哭的女孩。记得有一次睡前我都会独自一人默默的天自己的伤口，孤独流泪。我发现我已经走火入魔、无法自拔了。别说我没努力过，为了让她注意我，我开始要求姐姐为我选衣服，不再去印度 Mamak 剪头发，开始注重形象，买发胶（更文德去TESCO买的！），改变穿衣服的方式及最重要的开始减肥、少吃和运动。

减肥并不容易，很幸苦，我最胖时重达77kg，减肥不但要坚持运动，还要控制食欲。每当我吃太多食物时，我都会感到罪恶感，心理中觉得又胖了一点，距离配得上她的男人又远了一点。我开始少吃。（如今瘦了一点？？）

在我朋友面前，我拥有一种色狼形象，其实我并不好色。暗恋太深很痛苦，每单孤单一人时我便会想起她，因此我学会了逃避。我拼命的找东西转移我的注意力而电脑和观察周围人们的一举一动也成了我的习惯。去年到现在我对电脑的时间多了几倍，几乎每一个清醒的每一秒都对着电脑上---我想要迷失自己，忘了她。观看别人其实很有趣，可以从他的一举一动推断他的性格，而每当看到美女都会多看几眼罢了，并没有想什么念头。

有时我觉得我自己很傻，很笨为什么要那么专一，那么痴情可是绕来绕去还是那么一句话，爱是无法抗拒的。有时我很恨！恨自己穷，恨自己不够英俊更恨自己爱上了她！成功，我将来一定要很成功，一定要富有，一定要有权势以避免更多遗憾发生！

偷偷告诉大家一个秘密，我电脑的密码长达一年多都是：我爱（她的名字），每当我开电脑都需从打出这一串文字。如今，这一个字仿佛已成了我人生的一部分。我真的很希望将来有一天能站在她的面前亲口和她说出我爱你这三个字而不是如今每打一遍所带来的只是无尽的空虚与痛苦。

终结来说，我生日的那一天梦见了她我真的很开心那怕只是一个梦境而已。我知道我很傻，很笨但我就是那么的爱她。

十六岁生日 10-17-2008

2008-10-29T00:50:00.000+08:00

感动，除了感动还是感动。
我长得那么大以来，第一次有那么多的朋友们为我庆生，我真的很高兴，同时也对他们感到谢谢。
早上考了期末考最后一张科目，高级数学1，毫无疑问的，我一定“肥佬”了，一想到即将得到的考试纸满堂红，心里便十分不愉快。想来是我今年犯太岁?真衰呀！
下课后，在班上一些朋友的起哄下，全班为我唱了生日歌。感觉很温馨再加上一些些的感动。
放学后，便与朋友打 DOTA，说起来我还是第一次打PvP，鸟的很，不一会便被人砍了下来..想来我还是一个乖小孩呢，不但从没去过CC，而且还很少出街。（感觉有一点像宅男！！）同时我们也订了下午3点的戏票，EagleEye，大约3.05分才到戏院，扣去买水和爆米花的时间，我们已错过了开场了。
不过还别说，这部戏超好看的，重头刺激到尾，特效镜头做的很不错。
今年生日有很多第一次，第一次生日考试还失败，第一次全班对我唱生日歌，第一次有人发生日简讯给我，第一次去Pavillion，第一次有那么多人为我庆生，第一次..................................
看完戏后，我被几个朋友引开，天南地北的西处乱跑；其他的朋友则为我搞一个惊喜。
他们选择了在PIZZAHUT为我庆生，毕竟我们还是学生阶级而在哪儿高等场所除了快餐外其他的消费太高。他们一开始给我吃一个铜锣烧（就像Doremon的那个），实在是超难吃的...., 之后又骗我说生日蛋糕来了--一块不到巴掌大小的巧克力蛋糕。其实这时我看到那蛋糕我已经很高兴、很满意了，毕竟意思意思一下就好，没必要花费太多钱。但当我看到服务员拿着一块大蛋糕，同时店中响起了幼稚的生日歌时，我真的得到了一个惊喜。真的谢谢他们。
之后，曲终人散，一部分的人便回家了而我则与其他两位朋友留下看飞轮海的签唱会，哇明星真的会耍大牌，足足吃了40分钟，不过无可否认的，他们目前是比我帅了那么一点点啦，可是我将来必帅过他们。hehe
我们也拍了一些照片，过些日子发上来给大家瞧瞧。（现在还是借了朋友的电脑才可以发这一篇文章，唉，没电脑的日子，真痛苦啊！）

在此特意感谢我班的同学，发短讯给我的朋友及为我庆生的 Chan Sheng Yang, Chen Weng Kit, Tam You Sheng, Tan Chia Way, Thoong Kit Yee, Lala --Lee Kian Pooi, Ho Seck Wei 和 Tan Chung Seong.

cant use pc

2008-10-21T15:19:00.000+08:00

i cant use my pc since my birthday, 17th Okt. Graphic card send to warranty, coming back in 1 month, no pc use, T.T. Going to update straight after got my graphic card back.
my LOVE STORY COMING.
my BIRTHDAY STORY coming too!!

哇，肥佬瘦一点都有罪？？

2008-10-11T18:22:00.000+08:00

星期四去补习时，被人拉下了裤子，而且旁边还有女生，真是又尴尬，又生气，又害羞。

以前我的裤子很紧，穿一下都会让我的肚腩留下深红色的痕迹，如今不过是瘦了，裤子松了，便被人拉了下来。（有没有发现我瘦了？？）

当时我其实很想打他的，可是看见有女生在旁，只好忍气吞声，扮君子。（哎，男人难做，男孩更难做啊！）其实我也不是对他感到很气愤，只不过是不爽他让我在美女前丢脸罢了，哎真是衰阿。。。

下一个星期五便是我生日了，打算跟朋友出去玩，顺便庆祝我考试结束，同时也更一位和我同一天生日的朋友庆祝，有没有人肯陪我？？

还记得小学时的班长也是和我同一天生日的，现在也没联络了，不知她是否还好？在这里祝福她！

霉运来了，当也挡不住

2008-10-07T23:43:00.000+08:00

霉啊，今天买了我的 RAM 给一个马来仔 RM120，再买了一个新的 RAM Balistic 1066mhz 5-5-5-15 RM 200，可是在安装时发生一大堆故障，不但浪费了无数的时光，同时新 RAM 的表现也和之前的差不多，让我间接损失了 RM80，衰呀！！

最要好.....朋友吗???!!

2008-10-06T20:09:00.000+08:00

我今年十六，自从我开始上幼稚园时，我便有了我人生的第一个好朋友---陈升阳。

从四岁到现在，过了多少个难忘的岁月、多少个美好的回忆。我还记得从小我们便往对方的家到处跑，一起玩，一起分享，日子过得很愉快。我甚至还记得在 Osama Bin Ladin 被追捕时，我还邀请过他来我家，一起用我爸刚买给我的望远镜瞪着屋前的街道，努力寻找 Osama 的可笑场景。

然而，随着年龄的增长，我们之间的感情也越来越淡。小学我们只同班过一年，其他时候都在不同班级，更不同的人交流，有着不同的社交圈子，我们也缓缓的走向不同的道路。可是，仿佛是在玩弄我们，UPSR中，他获得了7As 的成绩，而我只得到5As。在我妈妈的“欺骗”与“鼓励”之下，不但是我，连他的妈妈也觉得MBSSKL是最适合我们的学校，在此，我们人生又有了交集。然而，在不同的环境下，我和他的性格有了极度的不同，或许是受到了小说的影响，我性格有了变化，爱上了大男人主义，做事不爱拖拖拉拉，喜欢快刀斩乱麻，脾气过硬、暴躁，没有耐性及霸道。他则和我相反。因此在相处的时间之中，大多都是他让我。或许这也是友情产生裂痕的开始。

F1 和 F2 我当上了学长，当时应为我感到生平第一次被人重视，我努力的办好我的工作，也因此得罪了很多的人，一个朋友也没有。老实说，当初我真的感觉到很寂寞、很孤单。其实我很怕孤单，我品时的性格或许是一种吸引人们注意我的举动，也是一种自我保护但我总是做的过火，因此朋友很少。结果上了 F3 时，我便反省，对待人时也变得小心翼翼，其实现在每当我和他人交谈时我都会三思而后行，怕说出一些会是他们厌恶的话，影响之间的友情。

也应为如此，我特别珍惜与陈升阳、蔡文德他们之间的友情，应为我总感觉和他们我很自在，不必带上平时的面具，不用耍心机，但或许也应为如此惹得他们对我产生恶感。

我感到很矛盾，我不希望时时带着面具，但一旦放下面具就会惹人讨厌。我爱上了篮球，不但是因为喜欢这个运动，而是在球场上我很自在，可以和一起打篮球的球友轻易建立一道友情，打篮球的人之间很容易相处，也很真诚。（就像我班的哪一些...Emo，逸迅，家扬....)

当我发现与升阳之间越隔越远时，我试过补救，但效果不大，

每当他们开我玩笑时，我虽然很生气，但我都认了。我发现我自己很不快乐，现在我终于想通了，如果性格不通，那边只当普通朋友吧，不需要在把它定位在最要好朋友的地位身上，苦苦维持这十二年的友情。

放开吧，我的手松开了....... 再见了！

×P.S.如果你们对我有抱怨的话，请说出来，我一定努力改！！

wow, 慰劳宴

2008-10-02T18:59:00.000+08:00

中秋晚会成功举行，我们这些功臣也被老师邀请到她家举行慰劳宴。老师的家很大也很美，我们大家都玩得很尽兴。上图是在老师家拍的照片。

哈哈，在去老师家之前，我和朋友们也有去 Lowyat 和 Time Square 和 Leisure Mall（不好意思让朋友们等我买电脑零件和皮鞋，对不起和谢谢！）花了蛮多钱的：

i）LRT 卡：RM20

ii) 打机：RM9

iii）水：RM2.70

iv）巴士费： RM2

v) 充电器：RM75

vi) 滑鼠：RM18.90

vii）皮鞋：RM50

viii）电线：RM10

总共花了----RM187.60 （T.T）没钱了～～～～～～～

喂喂，别吐啊！（笑一笑没烦恼！）

2008-10-02T01:16:00.001+08:00

谁能看完8条不趴到地上算你有耐力

1. 偶小时侯吃饭不老实,一老农为了教育我,对我说:六零年苦呀,没饭吃,抠出来的鼻屎从来不扔的.
　　　　
　　2.有个富豪找佣人,面试的题目是上厕所,前几个上完后都没有洗手就出来了,富豪因此把他们打发走了,只有一个洗了手,于是富豪留下了他.可是有一天,富豪却发现他没有洗手就出来了,
富豪问他是为什么? 佣人答到:“偶今天带了手纸...“
　　　　　　　
　　3.一个男子看见一家商店大减价,便走了进去.“您买些什么?““我想买狗食.““我们有规定,您必须证明您有狗.“
“ 哪儿有这样的规定?““减价商品就是这样.“男子与售货员磨了半天,售货员还是不同意卖给他.没有办法,男子只好回家把狗带来,才买到了狗食.过了几天, 男子又去这家商店买猫食.“给我两盒猫食.““我们有规定,您必须证明您有猫.“还是那个售货员,男子又与她磨蹭了半天,结果还是不得不回家把猫带来才买到了猫食.又过了几天,男子抱着挖有一个洞的大纸箱来到那家商店,找到那个售货员.“您买些什么?““你把手伸进去就知道.“售货员把手伸了进去:“是什么呀,粘乎乎的.““我想买两卷儿手纸.“
　　　　　　　
　　4.有个人去带著朋友去探望他的外婆.当他和外婆说话时,他的朋友开始吃著咖啡桌上放的花生,把花生都吃完了.当他们离开时,他的朋友对外婆说:「谢谢您的花生」外婆回应说「喔!嗯!唉!自从我牙齿掉光后,我就只能吸掉它们外层的巧克力而已.老了,咳...
　　　　　　　
　　5.有人很喜欢“麻辣粉丝煲“这道菜.有一次,他上饭馆,又点了这道菜.但侍者告诉他,这道菜已经卖完了.“真的卖完了吗?“他很失望地问.“先生,真的卖完了.你瞧,最后一份卖给那桌的先生了.“侍者回答道.那人顺着侍者的指点,看见有个很体面的绅士坐在邻座.绅士的饭菜已经吃得差不多了,但那份“麻辣粉丝煲“居然还是满满的.那人觉得绅士很浪费美味,所以他走到绅士旁边,指着那份“麻辣粉丝煲“,很有礼貌地问:“先生,您这还要吗?“绅士很有风度地摇摇头.于是那人立刻坐下,拿起调羹狼吞虎咽起来.风卷残云,一会儿一半下肚了,突然间他发现在砂锅底躺着一只很小很小但皮毛已长全的小老鼠.一阵恶心, 那人把吃下去的所有粉丝通通吐回了砂锅里.当他在那儿翻胃不已的时候,那绅士用很同情的眼光看着他,说:“很恶心是吗?刚才我也是这样……“
　　
　　6.这天,酒店老板正在大厅巡视.来了一乞丐上前说道:“老板给个牙签行吗?“老板给他一个打发走了.一会儿,又来一个乞丐,也是来要牙签的.老板心想现在这乞丐怎么不要饭改要牙签了?也同样给他一个打发走了,没过多旧,又来一个乞丐.老板对他说:“你也是来要牙签的吗?“乞丐说:“有个人吐了,可我晚了一步,已经被前面两个乞丐把能吃的都吃了,现在只剩下汤了.你能给我个吸管吗
　　　　　　　
　　7.老大,老二乘坐飞机,老二晕机,不停呕吐.一袋吐满,老大只好去取袋子,等他回来时,发觉全机人都在不停呕吐.老大问其原因,老二说:“我看到这只袋子也吐满了,只好又喝进去了半袋,结果他们就全吐了.“
　　　　　　　　
如果您看到现在还没吐的话,那我不得不承认你是个高手,那我要出绝招了---
　　　　　　　
　　8.必杀技-----有一天,老大和老二又去戏院看戏,看到中途二人为情节发展而争执起来,并为此打赌.老大指着前边摆的一排痰盂说:“输的人要喝一口那里边的东西.“不幸,老大输了,于是老大皱着眉头喝了一口.二人接着赌下边的情节,这次,老二输了.只见老二抱起一个痰盂,咕咚咕咚连喝了十五大口.老大大惊失色,佩服的五体投地,对老二说“你太了不起了,居然能连喝十五大口!“
老二摇摇头,“不是我想喝,那个痰盂里的痰太浓,我实在咬不断......
　　　　　　　
对不住了,各位.........我知道你们已经都崩溃了...别客气..回个贴做个留念吧...

哎，马来西亚人！

2008-10-02T00:58:00.000+08:00

今天爸爸心情大爽，带我们全家去吧生港口吃海鲜，到了哪儿，人山人海，水泄不通，找了老半天才找到停车位。一进那海鲜楼的范围，我都要吓傻了，天呀，差不多有200桌，大约有1500人（超大！！）。海鲜楼座无虚席，我们等了大约半小时才等到一座结帐，正当我们要坐下时，刚到的一位妇女却叫她的女儿快快坐在椅子上，公然的在大庭广众下“插座”。真是不要脸呀~~~~一看周围，这才发现这种情形到处都在发生，我对我们的人民彻底无语了。

话说回来，他的食物也蛮好吃的 XD，花了大约150。其实最然人满意的是哪儿的气氛，海鲜楼布置的很漂亮，而在那么多人之中吃东西的感觉也很温馨、快乐！下一次一定要带朋友来试试！！

P.S.哪儿的椰花酒也很好喝，我有一点醉了！（我不能喝酒啦！）

P.S.又找到一张完全不像我的照片，也是新年拍的，发来看看～～～

我操他大娘的祖宗十八代！

2008-09-27T22:16:00.000+08:00

以下内容是本人发泄的文章，不喜勿看

他妈的臭鸡蛋，狗娘养的兔崽子，人模狗样的乌龟王八蛋 Mr.Wong，我诅咒你祖宗十八代！！

今天原本可以快快乐乐与朋友一起去Leisure Mall 庆祝他（林家样）的生日，约好早上十一点，我内心十分的期待，可是时间要到时才发现我补习功课还没有做完，考虑了很久，终究还是留在家做功课，可是废了我大约三个小时多的时间，找遍了参考书，问过姐姐也只是完成了大约 70%。结果我牺牲了几个小时的时间，却因有一题“很简单”的问题没法解出答案而被那可恶的、欠揍的、白痴愚蠢、吃粪长大的补习老师痛骂并被他当众侮辱，他死命说我是懒，还在白板写上大大的LAZY来讽刺我，丝毫不给我面子（有女生也！！）他还威胁要跟我父母投诉。

我在此忍不住要狠狠的批评这一个该死的小人，我诅咒你死后下地狱，生儿子没屁眼小弟弟，生女儿是猪扒、霉运附生一辈子、天天破财、孤老终生！！！！！

我恨我恨我恨狠狠！

好文章！

2008-09-26T13:47:00.000+08:00

有些人说：“怎样也不能骂人啊，怎么样也不能做打人杀人那么没有人性的事儿，一切都有法律.......”

我只想说：“那些人都是白痴！！”

如果别人骂你，你也说怎么样也不能骂人，别人就会继续骂你，应为你是个不会回嘴的软蛋。

如果别人打你，你也说怎么样都不能打人，别人就会多揍你一顿，抢走你身上所有的钱。

如果当敌人侵犯你的国家，你也说怎么样也不能做杀人那么没人性的事儿，那么你就是汉奸卖国贼，是无耻，是愚蠢的白痴。

一切都有法律，可法律不会让死人复活，面临匪徒的你，只有奋起反击，才会等到法律的威严的审判。

有人说人和野兽是不一样的，我要说，人之所以和野兽不一样，那是应为人做的比野兽更彻底，野兽不知什么是邪恶，什么是残忍

---摘自《恶魔岛》

×P.S 我的高级数学“肥佬”了

×祝大家假期快乐！

感叹啊～～

2008-09-24T21:41:00.000+08:00

最近在考试，明天是历史与高级数学，一点都没读到，明天一定死翘翘～～

看着眼前的书，不知为何我的思维飘到了很远很远，突然想起读过的一段话：

生活就是这样，但你错过最美好的时间，就再也没法寻找到那曾经的乐趣，就像喝一杯美酒，如若错失了最佳的品尝机会，那么就算之后喝下也，也永远无法喝到那曾经品过的滋味，人生再也无法重复。

老实说，我对现今的生活并不满意，人生也拥有许多遗憾但我却也知道就算我能回到过去，改变结局，我也永远无法得到期待中的快乐了，应为心态不同，人生毕竟也无法重复。

P.S.我好像越来越胖了！！！！！！！救命，谁有减肥妙计？！

生病了！！

2008-09-19T03:46:00.000+08:00

星期三早上吃咖喱饭，结果一个小时后便倒在课室啦！被逼早退，一去诊疗所才发现是发高烧，40度，蛮恐怖的。头痛得要命并有作呕的感觉。唉，接下来便是过着吃药睡觉的生活。考试要到了，这时生病要我怎么读书啊？！目前为止什么都没读到.......我完蛋了啦!!!!!!

hehe, 不过，生病好像也有好处，我好像有瘦了一点！

中秋晚会

2008-09-13T20:02:00.000+08:00

从左至右: 曾永杰，张锦勇，谭友胜，我 :P

wow，中秋晚会终于结束了！可惜还是没有美女跟我要电话--超失败的。

这一次除去游戏的部分应该可以算是成功吧！哎，看到人人都是成双成对的心里有一点不是滋味，老实说我十分羡慕他们，我也一直渴望像他们一样可是我那并不英俊的脸孔和那臃肿的身材注定了我并不会拥有哪一个机会。看到朋友们一个个带着女朋友，唉，真的是又酸又苦呀。

中秋晚会有180人左右的来宾，又我主持的舞台剧也圆满结束,总算没有白费那三个星期的排练。可惜的是我忘了介绍我自己和我的好兄弟--陈升阳，导致没人记得我！！那一整天超饿的，看到全部人抢吃时我也不好意思上前吃。

其实，我很容易被满足，我并不挑剔，这一次的中秋晚会我本人十分满意，在此感谢有来捧场的来宾与那一起和我奋斗的朋友，谢谢大家！

心碎，放弃暗恋

2008-09-10T23:23:00.000+08:00

终于结束了长达一年半的暗恋，我始终还是没有勇气向她说出口，也是时候放弃了。肥佬真是有罪啊。我在此郑重宣布我新人生的开始！！

中秋节晚会

2008-09-06T22:56:00.002+08:00

美以美中学（SMK(L)Methodist KL)将在2008年9月12日举行中秋节晚会，各位大老爷，大小姐请踊跃参加，给小弟一个薄面！！
地址：SMK(L)METHODIST, Jalan Hang Jebat,50150, Kuala Lumpur.
时间：6～9.30
项目：舞台剧（搞笑版-嫦娥笨月）、扇舞、啦啦队表演、游戏、晚餐、游行、互动、灯谜。。。。。
价钱：RM5 （绝对超值！！）
×有邀请别的学校，不怕没帅哥美女！
×来来来～～～～～～～～～～～～～～～～～～～～～～～～～～～～～～～～！

猪脚啊猪脚～～！！

2008-09-03T01:35:00.000+08:00

圣者说，有因必有果，一样事情的发生必有他的道理，如今我果然觉得此话特有道理。

呵呵，塞翁失马，焉知非福，原来扭到脚也是好事！

唉，一个菜鸟打篮球的后果就是使到他的右脚变猪脚！痛痛痛！我已经够胖了再加上这猪脚，实在是雪上加霜啊！脚痛心更痛！没有美眉会看我了。。T.T

但凡事都是双面的，我也得到两天病假，呵呵，打机去也！！

我最佩服的作者

2008-08-31T13:00:00.000+08:00

萧鼎 - 传说是《山海经》的作者，如今萧鼎这个笔名也再度被用，创出了本人最佩服的小说 ----- 《诛仙》

《诛仙》是仙侠小说，书中的文笔优美、内容触动人心使人有一种深陷其中的感觉，绝对是一本旷世巨作！！本人向来没有冲读小说的习惯，但我重读了这本小说5次，应为实在是太棒了。我再次向各位强势推荐！！

诛仙 - 这世间本是没有什么神仙的，但自太古以来，人类眼见周遭世界，诸般奇异之事，电闪雷鸣，狂风暴雨，又有天灾人祸，伤亡无数，哀鸿遍野，决非人力所能为，所能抵挡。遂以为九天之上，有诸般神灵，九幽之下，亦是阴魂归处，阎罗殿堂。于是神仙之说，流传于世。无数人类子民，诚心叩拜，向着自己臆想创造出的各种神明顶礼膜拜，祈福诉苦，香火鼎盛……　　方今之世，正道大昌，邪魔退避。中原大地山灵水秀，人气鼎盛，物产丰富，为正派诸家牢牢占据。其中尤以“青云门”、“天音寺”、和“焚香谷”为三大支柱，是为领袖。　　这个故事，便是从“青云门”开始的。

网址链接：http://www.qidian.com/Book/2019.aspx

愉快的国庆日

2008-08-31T12:01:00.000+08:00

咯咯，国庆日快乐！！

今天特别高兴，为何呢？应为没补习。娃哈哈

话说回来，我那补习老师可真的是我的噩梦啊～～～～～太可怕了（头上两个角 - 恶魔）

今天正在追玄幻小说-《神墓》虽然书的开头很狗，可是后面还不错！

我的超炫英文老师

2008-08-30T23:06:00.000+08:00

Mr.Gopala

这是一个听起来怪怪的名字，有一点像大头先生（Mr.Kepala）但他本人不但一点都不怪（只是肚腩很大），反而是我班最受欢迎的老师。够吧啦先生是我班的英文老师，为人幽默有趣，让我们无聊的学习多了一份色彩。

够吧啦老师十分爱吃，对我们介绍过许多美食，其中包括巴生桥底的肉骨茶（在有马来人的情况下，不知是否在诱惑他们），印度的美食等等。够吧啦老师时常讲笑话，若是上他的课没有传出笑声那才是怪事也因此受到我们的爱戴。

最近他搬了半独立式双层排屋，正当我们在想为何一个老师那么有钱的时候他对我们说他除了在学校教书之外也有教补习。而最让我们惊讶的是他竟然为皇族的女儿教补习，说一小时RM300并不被他看在眼里并说皇族给他很多$$。他也对我们解释皇族的住处--花园可摆50-60辆车，超大的游泳池，完整的健身房和十分夸张的Flying Fox. （花的可是我们这一些纳税人的钱啊，心痛中.......)

WOW!拥有这么炫的英文老师，你说酷吗？

超级纳闷啊～～～姐姐篇

2008-08-30T21:44:00.000+08:00

- 我与姐姐（今年新年拍的）-

---照片中的我是我看起来最瘦的一张照片（真人很胖的！）---

我家除了我，还有爸爸妈妈姐姐妹妹，一家五口。我姐姐大我两岁，目前在 Nottingham 就读工程系。上一次学校组办家庭日，我姐姐也有一起来，结果被班上同学看见，给我的评语竟然是我和我老姐一个天一个地。当时我还以为他们称赞我比我老姐棒一大把还在那沾沾自喜（是否有一些自恋？哈哈）后来被他们一句话给打入了地狱，原来他们在讽刺我丑.....汗！上图是我与我姐姐的照片，我真的有那么差吗？？........... =.=''

自我介绍

2008-08-30T21:32:00.000+08:00

名：云惟柏

生: 1992年10月17日

重：72kg

高：170cm

爱：读小说、打篮球（虽然打得确实很烂）、听歌

梦：有美女爱上我 ^.^

校：美以美中学 SMK(L) Methodust KL

太霸道，太野蛮，太讨厌！

2008-08-30T15:08:00.000+08:00

今年我迷上了篮球，今天在打球的过程中无意打到一人的脸把他的眼镜给拍下地上。让我十分不爽的是他不但不接受我的道歉，一口咬定我是故意的而且还不停的大骂，让我脸上无光。原本想要反驳他但想到人不跟狗斗，就也懒的跟他斗嘴。（不好意思啊狗狗，把你们跟这一个没家教，品格低劣的垃圾扯在一起。。。）唉，今天真的衰透了

我的第一次......日记啦！

2008-08-30T07:52:00.000+08:00

今天心情不错，在学校得知我以有170cm。对于一个渴望变帅哥的肥仔来说，这无疑是一个十分值得高兴的事。170的身高对16岁来说确实不算高，但至少不会被人笑矮子了（至少少了一个外号）。唉，人心不足蛇吞象，我怎么又在幻想180的身高了？？！

- 我真的第一次写........